Switchblade Lovers
by Civilized Lee
Summary: With Nisha's help, Athena ponders the inextricable nature of love and pain.


Content Advisory: work rated for sexual content, light BDSM

* * *

The desert air carries the rancid stench of unrefined eridium – somewhere between rotting meat and burning sulfur. Wind whips through Athena's hair as her hovercycle thrums over the dunes, leaving a contrail of dust in her wake. It's only six o'clock, and the brutal summer heat is starting to break as the sun dips closer to the horizon.

Her knuckles are white around the handlebars. Nobody knows it from looking at her, but when Janey wants to, she can get _loud_. Athena can't even remember how it started anymore. Another one of those moments where she shouldn't have let her pride get the better of her. One minute Springs is going over her inventory; the next, they're practically at each other's throats. She remembers throwing the word _sacrifices_ at her like a knife. It got the reaction she wanted.

She kills the engine and steps into The Blood Moon Saloon. She slaps down a twenty and asks for two shots of their strongest vodka. Janey's parting words to her still echo through her head. Two years in and she still doesn't have an answer for her. Maybe she never will. How could she, when all she's ever known is how to be a killing machine?

Maybe deep down she's always known she never would have an answer. That they have always been a farce. Maybe she'll never be able to have whatever a normal life might be, and maybe it's cruel to Janey to keep pretending that they could. The change was welcome, at first. A respite from the noise, the violence. But even then, she couldn't let her guard down. In crowds, she saw faces of the people she killed. In her dreams, she tasted blood.

It wasn't long before it started calling her back. Life away from the battlefield was so boring. The thrill of bullets flying past her, the slice of Xiphos through flesh, the crunch of Aspis cracking heads. It was more than her purpose, it was life. Atlas spent decades perfecting their indoctrination processes. Atlas made soldiers. Atlas made killers. Janey may think there's something else underneath all those years of conditioning. Janey is wrong. Janey will never understand. But someone does.

She slams back both shots: one for courage, one for luck. A short ride later, she's looking up a hill at a lonely cabin at the peak. She'd expect nothing less.

Athena pounds her fist on the door, rattling the brass knocker. Even now, it's not too late to turn back. Run down the hill, ride out of town. Yet here she is, knocking again. The frustration, the anger, the loneliness are all building into a summer night fever pitch. She needs a release.

The door swings open. Amber eyes widen at the sight of her. Then a smirk spreads over those pink lips. "Well, look wh—"

Athena grabs Nisha by her lapels and greets her with a fierce kiss. Nisha stumbles backwards, pulling Athena inside with her and kicking the door closed. Her hands fumble over Athena's armor, searching for somewhere to hold onto her. Athena sinks her teeth into Nisha's lower lip, letting out a guttural chuckle when she draws out a whimper.

Nisha's breath is hot in her ear, and her hand is firm on her throat. Athena grunts as Nisha slams her into the wall, pressing herself into her. Athena takes in quick, shallow breaths as she looks up at Nisha's cheshire grin. Her thumb brushes down Athena's neck, firm against the blood pulsing through her arteries. "I missed you too, Atlas."

Athena grabs Nisha by the hair, pulling her head back. She brushes her nose along Nisha's neck. "Shut up and fuck me."

Nisha's fingers tangle in Athena's hair as she pulls her into a deep kiss, blunted fingernails dragging over her scalp. Her hair is an earthy aroma of sage and pine. Her breath is hot and stimulating on her skin. Pieces of Athena's armor fall to the floor as Nisha unbuckles them, guiding them down the hall to her bedroom.

Athena catches her breath as she lands on Nisha's bed, the high-thread cotton impossibly smooth against her bare back. She is on fire, every inch of her burning for Nisha's touch.

She makes a show of struggling against Nisha's grip as she wraps the leather restraints around her wrists. She tests the cuffs against the bed posts, the chains clinking as she pulls them to their limit. Nisha grins, leaning over, placing her hand flat over Athena's pounding heart. She presses her lips to the shell of Athena's ear and hisses, "You're mine."

She strains against the padded leather as Nisha paces around the bed. The riding crop twirling in her hand builds her anticipation, and fuels her frustration. She aches for the sting of the leather tongue, the firm crack from the back of her hand. Her fingers curl into fists.

Hot breath teases her skin. Firm hands roam her body, exploring neglected curves. Athena swallows back a groan as Nisha's teeth graze her neck. An insistent need builds inside her. She strains at her shackles. Nisha lifts her head, glancing out of the corner of her eye at Athena's tensing arm.

"Uh uh." She leans over Athena and plants a slow kiss on her lips. "_You_ came to _me_. You don't get to set the pace."

"Fuck you. You want this."

Nisha straightens up, kneeling astride Athena's shoulders. Her palm cracks across Athena's cheek. Athena sucks in a sharp breath, savoring the sting. "We both know what this is. Say it."

Her skin burns as Nisha's hand rests on her throat. She struggles for breath as Nisha sits on her chest. She groans, desperate to feel any part of her. "_I _want this."

Fingers tighten on Athena's throat, nails digging into her skin. Nisha's eyes narrow as she shakes her head, her lips curled into a mocking grin.

Athena lets out a sharp exhale through her teeth. "Please," she growls. "I _need _this."

Nisha's eyes burn with a deranged glimmer. "That wasn't so hard, was it?"

The blood in her veins sizzles as Nisha's hands roam her body. Slender fingers stroke the firm muscles of Athena's arms, taking care to stay tantalizingly out of reach of her shackled hands. Nisha nips at the taut skin over Athena's collarbone, and sucks on the pulse point on her neck. Athena turns her head to the side as she inhales the lingering scents of gunpowder and sandalwood. She aches, helpless underneath Nisha, longing for her merciless touch. She begs.

She drinks in the sight of Nisha's lean body standing over her, lighter scars etched on her thigh, her back, her arms – so many more than she remembers last time. But she does remember the crescent birthmark on her right cheek. Athena chews her bottom lip as Nisha's fingers wrap tight around her left ankle, holding her leg up straight. Nisha swings her right arm down. The tongue of the riding crop bites into the meat of her thigh. She sucks in a sharp breath as Nisha strikes her again.

Athena sighs as Nisha's nails drag over her calf. Nisha looks down at her, over her shoulder. "Don't be afraid to scream, Athena. Nobody can hear you out here."

Athena snorts, narrowing her eyes. "I'll scream when you make me scream."

Nisha raises her brows, her eyes smoldering. A grin flashes over her face as she looks down and beats Athena's thigh with three smart cracks of the riding crop. Athena lets out a guttural groan through clenched teeth, the longing inside burning deeper with every strike. Nisha lets go of Athena's ankle, and her leg drops back down to the mattress with a thud, proof of the crop throbbing warm and red by her hip.

She grunts and writhes as Nisha steps on top of her, the hard weight of her left heel drilling into her sternum. Her right foot rests on Athena's shoulder for balance. Athena's breaths come shallow and quick as the black leather tongue of the crop parts her lips. Nisha's foot slides from her shoulder, up her neck. Athena lets out a whimper as she looks up at the knowing gleam in Nisha's eyes. Her face flushes with desperation, an undeniable need to taste any part of her.

Nisha slides her toes into Athena's mouth. Athena shuts her eyes and sucks on them, savoring the warmth of her skin, the faint taste of leather and sweat. She slides her tongue between them, and Nisha lets out an amused chuckle. Athena opens her eyes, gives her a defiant quirk of her eyebrow, and bites Nisha's toes.

She yanks her foot out of Athena's mouth, staring down at her with a snarl curling her lip. Amber eyes narrow as she lowers her foot, laying it across Athena's throat. Athena strains to suck in a breath, her chest burning under Nisha's weight.

The riding crop stings into Athena's left cheek. She turns her head back up to stare up at Nisha, and the leather tongue slaps her again. Her chest burns as she takes a deep breath. Nisha takes her foot off her throat and steps on Athena's face. Athena shuts her eyes and groans under the pressure, grazing her teeth over Nisha's skin.

Nisha raises her foot and drives Athena's head into the pillow with another demonstrative stomp. Athena groans and kisses her foot. Nisha chuckles and steps off of her. Athena sucks in a labored breath, her face throbbing, the drilling pain still echoing through her ribcage. She shuts her eyes, slowing her breathing, relishing the dull ache with each rise of her chest.

Her wrist twitches at warm skin brushing against her fingertips. She looks up as Nisha's palm settles on the back of her hand. She brushes Nisha's cheek, then lets out a slow breath as Nisha turns her head to suck on her fingers, one by one. Her teeth scrape hard over her skin, catching and dragging over her knuckles. Nisha works her lips down the length of Athena's arm, over her neck, and down her chest. Athena's back arches as Nisha's fingernails scrape down her sides. Her fingers curl into fists, and she shuts her eyes, focusing on Nisha's firm hands on her body, her lips searching for the dark secrets etched into her skin. She sucks in a breath at the sharp rush of Nisha biting her nipple.

Her desire rumbles deep in her chest, bubbling over in a desperate groan. Nails rake down her back. Hungry lips roam her abs. The longing radiates off her body, the sweat mingling with the wet marks left in the wake of Nisha's lips. Nisha's weight eases off her legs, and she twirls the riding crop in her fingers. Athena leans her head back and shuts her eyes.

The fiberglass rod bites firm on the outside of her right thigh, leaving a deep stinging welt in her muscle. She tenses the muscles in her hips, and a mix of a groan and a laugh escapes her lips. Nisha grabs her left hip, and she rolls Athena onto her side. The tip of the crop cracks sharp against her ass. She bites back a moan as she feels warm breath waft over her stinging skin. Nisha chuckles and kisses it.

Firm hands lay Athena's hips flat on the bed, and Nisha crawls forward. Athena stares up at her as she settles her knees on the pillow and lowers herself onto her face. Athena's muscles tense, and she strains her wrists against the shackles as her lips brush over Nisha's skin. As she starts working her tongue in slow circles, Nisha's fingertips trail up the length of her forearms. She kisses her, sucking gently at her skin. Metal clinks, and the tension on her right wrist falls away. She drags her blunted fingernails hard down the length of Nisha's back. Nisha throws her head back and moans, rocking her hips, seizing a handful of Athena's hair and tugging with steady pressure. Nisha's right arm hangs behind her. The leather tongue of the crop brushes Athena's left side. Nisha grunts and flicks her forearm. The tip bites hard into the outside of Athena's thigh, just below the crest of her hip. She presses her tongue flat against Nisha, moving in rhythm with the roll of Nisha's hips, the build and release of tension on her scalp, the encouraging sting of the crop. She grabs Nisha's hip, the muscle tensing beneath her touch. She builds the pressure as Nisha's breath becomes heavier and erratic. Nisha yanks her hair, and her hips lurch forward as a moan spills out of her lips. Athena slows the stroke of her tongue, easing the pressure off as Nisha's grip on her hair relaxes, and her chin dips to her chest.

Sweating and breathless, Nisha flits her eyes open. Athena basks in the passion burning behind them. Her lazy gaze flicks to the shackle around Athena's left wrist. She lets out a low chuckle and unfastens it.

Athena flips Nisha onto her back and lays on top of her, arching her back at the raw lines Nisha's nails carve over her skin. She pours her white-hot desperation out through her lips, through her teeth, through her hands, desecrating the altar of Nisha's body. A raw scream scrapes her throat as she surrenders herself to Nisha's medicating touch.

**⁂ **⁂ **⁂ **⁂** ⁂**

Athena lies on her stomach, a pillow wedged under her folded arms. She stares out the window, at the dim glow of pink on the horizon, the last vestiges of twilight in a darkening sky. Nisha's fingers rake through her damp hair, fingertips caressing her scalp.

"Feels different, huh?" Nisha murmurs, propping herself up on her elbow.

Athena glances over, her eyes lingering on the hollow of Nisha's collarbone, before looking back outside. "How's that?"

"Y'know. Not having to fall asleep wondering if the moon might get blown up in the middle of the night."

Elpis. Feels like a different lifetime. In some ways, she supposes it was. "It was simpler."

Nisha's hand brushes down Athena's back, her thumb following the curve of her spine. Her touch is gentle, soothing. "Well, sure. I dunno about you, but I never expected to get off that ice ball. We were fucking for the end of the world."

Athena rubs her neck and sighs. Nisha's hand rests at the small of her back, fingertips curling in small circles over her skin. She was never so gentle on Elpis. But if Athena says something now, Nisha might stop. The night has only just begun, and lately they seem to pass by so slowly, and so lonely.

She has never felt so strange, lying naked by Nisha's side. She always thought their affair on Elpis was fleeting. A few nights of desperate, life-affirming passion, only to be remembered fondly on a long and lonesome night. Maybe part of her thought that coming over tonight would prove that the memories were better than the nights themselves. But she's still lying here, satisfied to let the hours tick by in Nisha's arms.

Athena clears her throat. "I find I perform at my best when my life is on the line."

Nisha lets out a rich chuckle and smacks Athena on the ass. "Always knew you had a sense of humor somewhere under all that armor."

Her face flushes, and Athena nudges Nisha with her hip. Nisha smirks and drapes a leg over Athena's, giving her ass a squeeze.

She looks sideways at the wicked grin on Nisha's lips. It's surprising just how effortless it is to fall back into it, after not seeing her since Elpis. She and Nisha just seem to click, in a way she and Janey never have, no matter how hard either of them may try. Nisha has seen who she is. Seen how the scars line her skin, seen how her heart bleeds. She never shied away, never tried to change her. She's seen everything she truly is, and she still wanted her.

But then she and Janey have spent so long together. After Elpis, Athena never thought twice about parting ways with Nisha. Sure, she and Janey had their fights – and it seemed like they had more as time went on – but isn't the real concern when Springs decides she _isn't_ worth fighting anymore? How long until she gets there? Every facet of their relationship has always been steeped in a towering sense of inevitability. From Athena taking the chance, to whenever Janey realizes that trying to change her from the soldier she is will always be a losing effort. They are stuck on a runaway train on a collision course.

Athena glances sideways at Nisha, letting herself relax at the smooth caress of Nisha's wandering fingertips. Her heart aches, restless and smoldering. Is it selfish of her to believe she's the only one to question her mistakes? "Why didn't we work out?"

Nisha's gaze lingers on Athena's lips. Her fingertips roam up her back. "I went with Jack. You had Springs."

Athena blinks. _Had_. Like she's already gone. Has their spark really gone out? Would she be here if it hadn't? Did she ever really _have_ Janey to begin with? Or were they always together for the convenience? Janey was something new, something safe. A world Athena had never known. A world, Athena is more convinced of with each passing day, that she doesn't belong in. She looks up at Nisha, her amber eyes studying her face. Athena lets out a clipped sigh. "Yet here we are. With you avoiding my question."

She chuckles and brushes her thumb over Athena's jaw. "Yeah. Here we are. For somebody who got what she came for, you don't seem too keen on leaving."

Athena shuts her eyes and lets out a long breath. She tilts her head, relaxing into Nisha's touch, her palm cupping her cheek, her finger stroking the shell of her ear. She's not sure why she came here, anymore. All she knows is that she can't move on, but she can't stay the same. And she can't control who she is. She can't help the irritation that would crawl over the back of her head, when Janey would look at her with defeat in her tired eyes, looking at her like she's some sort of puzzle that needs to be put together, a problem in need of a solution. She can't help the guilt that gnawed a pit in her stomach when she'd lie awake by Janey's side, wondering how long she'd keep letting Janey believe they could still work.

Nisha's amber eyes glow in the pale moonlight, warm with a spark Athena hasn't felt in years. Eyes that drank her in and never wavered from the ugly truths etched into her skin.

A small smile crosses Athena's face as she brushes Nisha's cheek. Her hand slides to the back of Nisha's neck, and she leans into a kiss. She's terrified of taking the plunge, but it's the choice she has to make.


End file.
